Take a risk, take a chance, make a change

I've been thinking a lot about memories today. It's so strange to think that three years ago today I was in Guatemala, recovering from the first trek up that active volcano. So much has happened in that time, so much hurt, so much drama. Love, pain, untaintable happiness. It's so weird to think that I was such a different person back then. Whether or not I'm a better person now is highly debateable. One thing's for sure, I have definitely grown up a lot, whether people choose to believe that fact or not.
I have to ask all you readers out there one thing, if you could take one landmark in your life, just one- good or bad, it doesn't matter, and do it all completely differently - would you take the chance? You could turn out completely differently if you did, your life would be turned upside down. Or it might not change at all, it could just be a subtle difference- a faster metabolism, an unbroken heart, a different hair colour. This all being said, would you do it, just for curiosity's sake?
But then again, if you DID go back and change it all, then fast forward back to your life now, would you even be aware that it was all different? Would the memory of your previous life still be there, or would you never know? What if your nearest and dearest were aware of the changes but you weren't? I was about to say "if only this were possible, huh?"; but whether or not I want this option is a conflicting decision in itself.
I could go back three years and do the whole World Challenge so so differently, and probably come out of it even stronger than I did in the end. I could go back six months and not fall head over heels in love. How amazing would life be if we knew how our actions would affect us in the future? I guess that's life for you, you never know what cards are going to be dealt to you, and in a way it doesn't matter on the cards at all. Life, in my opinion, is how you deal with those cards, how you bluff, how you assemble them, which ones you collect and which ones you discard. (Can you tell I don't play Poker?) Those cards aren't the important aspects, it's the players behind them.
I'm no expert to be honest. I'm just a twenty year old girl who thinks too much and has far too much time on her hands. All I know is that you shouldn't give up on the cards life gives you, even if it is a cruel hand. Because when you turn that cruel hand around to play in your favour is when you really show everyone what an incredible person you truly are.
Never give up on what could be an exceptional turn of events. Remember, the more you sweat in practice the less you bleed in battle. Even if the turn of events is negative on the face of it, you're going to learn to love them in the end because of who you have become out if them.

Again, not making much sense anymore. On another note, my cat is a bastard. I tried to cuddle him today for the first time since being home and he mauled my hand.

Adios.

One day I'll write something decent...

Why is everyone in Scotland forced to apply for University when they are about to leave school? This is what's really preying on my mind right now. I am at University, yes. Whilst I love it I can't help but imagine my teachers' faces if I had told them I intended to leave school and just write until I was published. They seem to implant the idea into our minds that without any sort of degree or national certificate we won't get anywhere in our lives. I love my course, my degree, my experience of Uni' so far; but in all honesty if I hadn't gotten into my third year (which was not confirmed until a week ago) I truly wouldn't care. All I have ever wanted to do is write, that and a post lady is all I have ever wanted to BE. So why have I been forced into what has just turned into a means to an end? I have been a good-for-nothing student for two years now, and despite the absolutely incredible friends I have found; all I truly have to show for it is a couple of grand of debt, many many drunken photos, and a better knowledge of what books I should be reading rather than Harry Potter. I think UCAS should advertise University as "the best drunken experience you'll ever have and the last time you'll get away with it". Because, truthfully, saying it's the beginning of the rest of our lives is just a little too frightening for fresh out of school eighteen year olds.
I've lost my train of thought again, I seem to do that a lot. My mum and sister are sitting here watching Primeval and I don't think they realise that I am actually spending this summer making very positive steps towards my chosen career. So much has happened this year, and it has affected me more than most people know; it's because of this that I finally feel inspired to write something meaningful, that will last. All I want is to write one book, or even one story, which turns that girl or boy sitting in their room late at night crying for a reason they can't even remember around. If I can do that, turn one person away from the brink of them making the biggest mistake of their lives, then I have done my job, and I will truly feel like my dream has been fulfilled.
Of course, being as rich as JK Rowling wouldn't be awful either. And visa vi my previous post, falling in love like I did earlier on this year would be utterly fantastic.
Love and money- that's not too much to ask for, is it?

Start of something new...

So I have for some reason given into the blog trend, something which should hopefully keep me occupied this summer.
So I'm going to start it off with some things that have been preying on my mind for some time now, and hopefully they will make you think; either about how pretentious I sound when I talk about this shit, or about what you should really be worried about at this age.

I guess these thoughts all started four months ago. I hate to say that the thing which started it all off was an experience of how badly a heart can actually break. It made me wonder if two people can actually stay together for, well, ever. 'Til death do they part. Or is it just a false dream that Hollywood and Disney plant into the heads of naiive seven year old girls, who then grow up to believe that one day their prince WILL come. But what if that's not how it works? What if there ISN'T someone out there for everyone, that soulmates don't actually exist? Perhaps when we 'fall in love' with someone at this age, it isn't actually love, it's forcing ourselves to conform to what has been fed into our minds. Or maybe, it's all self-preservation instead, to stop ourselves from feeling lonely, insignificant. To help us forget the other things happening in our lives, dysfunctional families, failing grades, disloyal friends. Is it because of all these things that we attach ourselves to people we force ourselves to believe we love? If there are soulmates in the world, how can we love more than one person in our lifetime? I, personally, have been in love- deep deep love. Right now the thought of loving someone else seems absurd to me, but I loved before him, and he has loved after me. The heartbreak is not what tears me up, it is the unknown, the insecurity of not having that one person there for you, who no matter what thinks the sun shines out of your ass. That is possibly the only awful thing about the single life, because let's face it, it IS a lot of fun if you do it right and respectably.
But even if you do meet the person who you believe is 'the one'; how will you ever know that there is no one else out there more perfect than this person who you have luckily found? I'm sorry to fill your love lives with cynicism and doubt, but I don't know if I can fully believe that once you meet the 'perfect' partner you will never get bored. It just doesn't seem plausible that two people can mate for life. It's so rare you see two people so perfect for one another that you know they will be together forever.
Saying this, I have had first row seat to such a fairytale for the past two years, they are the only ones that are giving me a little hope in my cynical heart.
I feel like I am not making sense anymore. Sorry for getting deep on my first blog.
I hope I am proved wrong of course, and that there is a soulmate out there for everyone, and that it isn't someone who broke your heart horribly or cheated on you. That they're just new, and amazing, and so so right for you.
Until next time...
Ciao