Everything is going wrong but we're so happy!

Actually, nothing is going wrong, in fact things are going pretty amazingly right now. I am so thankful that this summer is all about chilling and writing, plus the occasional shift. Working full time at the food court last summer killed my soul; it was the most miserable summer of my life. Apart from the parties and occasional night out, Portugal and Edinburgh it was pretty dump. But it could have been worse seeing as one of my best friends spent her summer in bed dying (not literally but she was pretty sodding ill)
Anyway this summer has already made up for '08. Last night was so amazing, too lovely for words. Nat and I just sat in the middle of open countryside watching the sunset over the fields, whilst having some cider and shandy and deep conversations about life and the future. It was so gorgeous; and it really made us realise just how beautiful this town can be. It sounds lame, it's only Ellon after all. Most people just give us sympathetic looks when we tell them where we're from, if they're one of the few who knows where it is. But really, whilst there's nothing much to do, and they don't cater for the young adults at all on the clubbing front, it really is beautiful.



We also came up with the perfect idea for my first novel, along with a title and the last words. I am so excited to start it, it's actually getting started after this blog.
I really haven't felt this positive about everything in a long time and I absolutely love it. So there are a few things going wrong, but I'm coping and dealing with them the way I need to. But I am clearly not letting it get me down. Life is good right now, too good for words. I am very excited for this summer and the future too; it's bright!

Also, in Nat's words "it's like 6th year all over again" if we're talking about my love life here. I find it all very funny that I've reverted back to this. Honestly if I'd bumped into him 4 months ago I wouldn't have been so depressed about it all. Oh well, what is meant to be will be.

So I'm away to go start my first novel, and put some moisturiser on my very sunburnt neck.

Toodles :)

Start of something new...

So I have for some reason given into the blog trend, something which should hopefully keep me occupied this summer.
So I'm going to start it off with some things that have been preying on my mind for some time now, and hopefully they will make you think; either about how pretentious I sound when I talk about this shit, or about what you should really be worried about at this age.

I guess these thoughts all started four months ago. I hate to say that the thing which started it all off was an experience of how badly a heart can actually break. It made me wonder if two people can actually stay together for, well, ever. 'Til death do they part. Or is it just a false dream that Hollywood and Disney plant into the heads of naiive seven year old girls, who then grow up to believe that one day their prince WILL come. But what if that's not how it works? What if there ISN'T someone out there for everyone, that soulmates don't actually exist? Perhaps when we 'fall in love' with someone at this age, it isn't actually love, it's forcing ourselves to conform to what has been fed into our minds. Or maybe, it's all self-preservation instead, to stop ourselves from feeling lonely, insignificant. To help us forget the other things happening in our lives, dysfunctional families, failing grades, disloyal friends. Is it because of all these things that we attach ourselves to people we force ourselves to believe we love? If there are soulmates in the world, how can we love more than one person in our lifetime? I, personally, have been in love- deep deep love. Right now the thought of loving someone else seems absurd to me, but I loved before him, and he has loved after me. The heartbreak is not what tears me up, it is the unknown, the insecurity of not having that one person there for you, who no matter what thinks the sun shines out of your ass. That is possibly the only awful thing about the single life, because let's face it, it IS a lot of fun if you do it right and respectably.
But even if you do meet the person who you believe is 'the one'; how will you ever know that there is no one else out there more perfect than this person who you have luckily found? I'm sorry to fill your love lives with cynicism and doubt, but I don't know if I can fully believe that once you meet the 'perfect' partner you will never get bored. It just doesn't seem plausible that two people can mate for life. It's so rare you see two people so perfect for one another that you know they will be together forever.
Saying this, I have had first row seat to such a fairytale for the past two years, they are the only ones that are giving me a little hope in my cynical heart.
I feel like I am not making sense anymore. Sorry for getting deep on my first blog.
I hope I am proved wrong of course, and that there is a soulmate out there for everyone, and that it isn't someone who broke your heart horribly or cheated on you. That they're just new, and amazing, and so so right for you.
Until next time...
Ciao