Ever wonder if you've made the biggest mistake of your life?
Ever wonder why one little change can conflict your heart in so many ways?
Ever wonder why nothing is what it seems?
Ever wonder why life is so hard?
Ever wonder if there's a point?
Ever wish you could turn back the clock and change it all?
Ever wonder why one little fight means you lose someone you love?


I miss you.

Jim Fixed It For Me

Absolutely beautiful weekend. But now a huge decision needs to be made. But I'm definitely swaying towards saying yes.

Dear Jim;
Can you fix it for me to find an incredible guy who loves me just as I am, flaws in all, and wants to be with me for a very long time?

Yours, Kat, aged 20 years old.


I am now the proud owner of this bag thanks to the boy Jim found for me.




Also I love and hate my job. I love it because it's sooo cool, a lot of fun, I meet lots of people, and I really enjoy it.
I hate it because it proves I have no willpower.

How cute is the penguin necklace?


I am also the proud owner of this. My boss better watch out if I win the lotto. The whole stall will be sold in a day.

Final point, a photo of this will be uploaded soon, but Tom and mine's minds created this alone. An elephant and penguin mate (my two favourite animals btw) and they make an Eleguin! Too cute for words. I'll put up a photo of our drawing once I get a new camera...


Adios.

Sorry to blog twice in one day

World Challenge and my book.
That's all I've been thinking about all day.
Making people proud is all I want to do right now.
I went through so much during World Challenge, and I can only imagine what my leaders went through watching me deal with it. I want to experience that feeling of excitement, and accomplishment.
So World Challenge leader is what I've been aiming for for a long time, and now it's for real.

I also want you to read a poem that I am very proud of. The title is "Four Years" but like the poem that needs some work. Constructive criticism is always accepted.

Fly away on the wings of a dove,
Never again do I want to love.
So I wrote at the age of sixteen,
All the things you did and said
All they did was demean.

Four years have passed since that day
And even if I think I'm fixed,
I still have no words to say.

Six attempts down the line,
The last one eleven days past.
Take it as fate,
Claim everything's fine.

Love will tear us apart,
Or so we have been told.
So why this pressure?
To find the one before we grow old.

"I'll be there forever" you said,
False words and promises,
I lay in my room dead.

You promised you'd do it too,
That if we left together,
Then all our pain would be through.
But you never did,
A plight to kill me?
You've failed Mr. Burbidge.

This is my final goodbye,
If I don't make it through the night,
You'll know why.

But then again,
I've proved myself a fighter.
My hate for you is far too strong,
But those four years have made me a little lighter.

My thoughts are confused,
For once again I have loved and lost.
But after the initial pain,
No one else will suffer at my cost.

Think of this what you will,
A new beginning
A symbol of strength,
I am something you will not kill.


What do you think?



One Tree Hill is exciting me about new relationships and first dates. I hate to sound cheesy but I am finally ready to properly move on.

One Tree Hill

I'm on my fifth episode of the day (I don't actually have a life, just to let you know) and have discovered that I want Lucas Scott's life. Not the whole falling in love with a not very pretty girl thing. But writing a story about my life, a great epic story. And it being so loved that the world is turned upside down by it.


If I can't have that, can I have Chad Michael Murray instead please?




Thank you :)

The Love of my Life

Her name is Edna, and she is a beauty.
Unfortunately she doesn't belong to me, she's all my best friend's.
But I swear, this gorgeous lady never fails to cheer me up, no matter what is going on, just like her incredible owner :).

I thought I should dedicate something to her though. Who needs men when beautiful cars like Edna exist in the world?

"Just being inside her makes me happy"

"You are stronger than this..."

I have had THE worst day of my life, ever. I swear. When it gets to almost 9pm and you're crying at a bus stop in Aberdeen you know it's time to go home and eat a whole bar of Galaxy.
All I have to say is (I am very creeped out right now and don't want to divulge too much online) there are a LOT of sick sick people out there. And plastering your life all over the internet probably leaves you open to such things. So hello private profiles and the deletion of certain social networking sites.
Whoever did this to me is going to pay.

Sad face :(

My Life Would Suck Without You

Everyone has the friends, the ones they claim are better than anyone elses. "My friends are the best so don't even try and compare to them"
Well guess what? I actually HAVE those friends who are better than all others.
Everyone always talks about the love between two people, who are so perfect for each other it makes you feel sick. They fall in love; have the rough spell; and then find each other once more, usually in the most romantic and unbelievable ways. I myself dreamt of going to meet someone off of a train, whilst wearing a beautiful princessy dress ala Carrie in Sex and the City, and forcing him to see what he had given up, to see that he truly did love me. Of course it was my best friends who managed to convince me that my life ISN'T a movie, and that going out and getting drunk would be a much better expenditure of my time.
However, why is it no one talks about other love? The true love that can be found within our closest friends. The love that I feel for "the family" (or at least that is what we used to call ourselves) doesn't exactly rival the butterflies that romantic love can give you, but it is definitely much less filled with drama and tears.
So yes, I have met someone, and fallen for him already. It's all a bit complicated right now but hopefully my relationship status will be changing soon. However, if it doesn't work out the way I want it to (and I don't have the best track record with men) then it's OK. Because I have finally realised that as much as I would like someone to cuddle, all I truly need right now, and arguably ever, is those friends who have given me the best memories I could ever ask for, and never fail to put a smile on my face.
You can never call me unloved, because as long as you give some love out, you're always going to get some back.

"Have you ever been in love?"
"Abso-fucking-lutely"

My tattoo is very scabby...

These past few days have been so surreal and yet so amazing. Saturday night was spent at Moopilicious' house, drinking copious amounts of wine, watching High School Musical and reminscing about how good it was to be young and drunk. Even though we didn't spend our young and drunk days together I feel like I've known her pretty much my whole life. It's been a whirlwind friendship I suppose you could say.
Then the Sunday was spent unpacking and having sentimental moments in my bedroom. I found the first thing I ever bought at Green Heaven too, a wee bracelet that says 'le chat'. If I'd known then I would be working there now I'd have laughed! I never saw this coming.
Monday was gym day with Reah after a lovely lunch in Ellon with my mum and sister. Except Reah and I didn't actually do much gym-ing! We got lost on the way there and then were told that we needed to have an induction in order to actually work out. So next Wednesday WILL be the start of the gym sessions! And I swear to god, by the end of this summer I WILL be where I want to be. I already feel like I've lost some weight. Well I know I have, my apple dress fits again, which greatly pleased me when I was wearing it today. Anyway Monday night I majorly exercised my liver at Quids. It was very messy! I also found out that night that my twenty two year old sister was getting drunk in the local park whilst I was sitting in a pub with my bestests. Sherer was out too! I really missed that boy (he's my old flatmate for all of you who don't know me) so it was good to see him. I love the Bobbin, I was so unbelievably drunk by last orders and even though I couldn't really speak the barman STILL served me two double vodkas! Madness! And as far as I know the whole night ended with tequila and texting my ex-boyfriend. Not the wisest of moves. I was NOT proud of myself the next morning!
Tuesday doesn't exist as I was too hungover to be aware of anything.
And today I was in a deliriously happy mood, though realised I have limited bullshit tolerance for idiots who come into Green Heaven. I know I'm no expert on body jewellrey, but at least I have some common sense when it comes to it! Though I bought a gorgeous new bag and got new shoes with Reah's discount. So life is good.

That's about all I have to say really. I have a feeling in 10 days time I will have a love story for all you readers though :)

Deep question of the day- would you rather live without love or money and why?

Love love
xxxx

I learnt yesterday....

That when you're heavily pregnant you can't lie on your front. I think that's a shame. I like lying on my front. It's better than lying on your back.


And on that note...off to work I go!
xxxxx

Everything is going wrong but we're so happy!

Actually, nothing is going wrong, in fact things are going pretty amazingly right now. I am so thankful that this summer is all about chilling and writing, plus the occasional shift. Working full time at the food court last summer killed my soul; it was the most miserable summer of my life. Apart from the parties and occasional night out, Portugal and Edinburgh it was pretty dump. But it could have been worse seeing as one of my best friends spent her summer in bed dying (not literally but she was pretty sodding ill)
Anyway this summer has already made up for '08. Last night was so amazing, too lovely for words. Nat and I just sat in the middle of open countryside watching the sunset over the fields, whilst having some cider and shandy and deep conversations about life and the future. It was so gorgeous; and it really made us realise just how beautiful this town can be. It sounds lame, it's only Ellon after all. Most people just give us sympathetic looks when we tell them where we're from, if they're one of the few who knows where it is. But really, whilst there's nothing much to do, and they don't cater for the young adults at all on the clubbing front, it really is beautiful.



We also came up with the perfect idea for my first novel, along with a title and the last words. I am so excited to start it, it's actually getting started after this blog.
I really haven't felt this positive about everything in a long time and I absolutely love it. So there are a few things going wrong, but I'm coping and dealing with them the way I need to. But I am clearly not letting it get me down. Life is good right now, too good for words. I am very excited for this summer and the future too; it's bright!

Also, in Nat's words "it's like 6th year all over again" if we're talking about my love life here. I find it all very funny that I've reverted back to this. Honestly if I'd bumped into him 4 months ago I wouldn't have been so depressed about it all. Oh well, what is meant to be will be.

So I'm away to go start my first novel, and put some moisturiser on my very sunburnt neck.

Toodles :)

Nonsensical ramblings.

The weirdest thing happened to me today. It's going to sound dumb but for the first time since I was about twelve years old I fell off my bike. (The ten year old who rode into me remained unscathed, bitch) But it's weird, it got me thinking for the next mile and a half about life, and the importance of memories. I was just cycling along in the blistering heat and then "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap came onto my iPod and all of a sudden it took me back to being seventeen again. I used to cycle along the old railway line to escape from life at home, pretending I was training for World Challenge but really I just wanted some peace and quiet. The lyrics in that song seemed so appropriate for the time too.
So my question for today is, do you ever wish you were just ten years old again? Or just really young, before all the complicated shit started happening? Does growing up mean life's getting better and knowing about the world is a positive thing rather than altogether frightening?
Is ignorance truly bliss?